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Various

"The Wit and Humor of America, Volume VI. (of X.)"


"'The bank will stand for three hundred thousand dollars' worth more of
my checks,' says he, 'and after they're used up I'm done.'
"He began to cut down expenses with the reckless energy of a man who saw
the poor-house looming ahead for him; the results was that his bad shows
grew worse, and the attendance wasn't enough to dust off the seats. The
biggest item of expense about the place was 'Mighty Mardo,' the
boa-constrictor; his diet was live rabbits, and a twenty-foot snake with
a body as thick as a four-inch pipe can dispose of good and plenty of
them when he takes the notion. Cap. began to feed him live rats, and the
mighty one soon began to show the effects of it.
"'He'll die on you,' says I to Cap. one day.
"'Let him,' says he; 'the rabbits stay cut out.'
"One day a fellow came along with a high-schooled horse that he wanted
to sell. He had more use for ready money just then than he had for the
nag, so he offered to put it in cheap. But Cap. waved him away.
"'I'll need the money to buy meals with before long,' says he to the
fellow, 'so tempt me not to my going hungry.


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