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Various

"The Wit and Humor of America, Volume VI. (of X.)"

Jones never turned a hair or moved a muscle.
"You needn't pity Harry," she said. "I've just got the good news that
he's engaged to one of the sweetest and richest girls in Morristown."
I jumped for my hat and ran.

V
You never saw anybody so electrified as Jones. For a good minute he
couldn't even speak. It was like bringing a horseback reprieve to the
hero on the stage. He repeated "Stuffenhammer, Stuffenhammer," in tones
that Henry Irving might have envied, while I gently undid the noose
around his neck. I led him under a tree and told him to buck up. He did
so--slowly and surely--and then began to ask me agitated questions about
proposing. He deferred to me as though I had spent my whole life
Bluebearding through the social system. He wanted to be coached how to
do it, you know. I told him to rip out the words--any old words--and
then kiss her.
"Don't let there be any embarrassing pause," I said. "A girl hates
pauses."
"It seems a great liberty," he returned. "It doesn't strike me as
r-r-respectful.


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