Now that was a real misfortune as far as I was concerned. For only
then did I come to realize how much I was attached to the girl. I
felt an utter emptiness in my heart; I began to feel myself a total
stranger in the house. When everybody was talking merrily, I kept
quiet, as if I were a mourner. I was always looking for Marusya, I
was always trying to catch her eye. I hoped that our eyes would
meet, that she would at least look at me. But she kept on avoiding
me. No, she did not avoid me: she simply did not seem to know that
I was in the house. I was exasperated; and when once I came face to
face with Jacob, I lost my temper, and berated him roundly,
attacking him on his weakest side:
"Is it on me that you are spying? How many favors, if you please,
have you accepted yourself from Anna? Perhaps your father gave you
a special dispensation in your dreams?"
To all of this Jacob replied very calmly: "First of all, your
analogy does not hold, for you and Marusya are both youngsters.
And, second, even supposing I were sinning, it is your fault then,
too; for it is clearly your duty to warn me.
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