It seemed to me
that this was what the Holy One, blessed be He, had deigned to
reveal to us through the dreams of Jacob: there is another religion
for you, the elect. _You_ will surely know what is forbidden, and
what is permitted. . . .
Sometimes, again, I imagined that I might best prove true to my
faith if I set my heart against the temptation that Satan had put
before me in the person of Marusya. If I turned away from her, I
thought, I might at once gain my share in the future world. So I
armed myself against Marusya's influence in every possible way. I
firmly resolved to throw back at her any food she might offer me.
If she laid her hand on me, I would push it away from me, and tell
her plainly that I was a Jew, and she--a nobody.
So I fought with her shadow, and, indeed, got the best of it as long
as she herself was away. But the moment she appeared, all my
weapons became useless. She made me feel like one drunk. I could
not withstand the wild-fire of her eye, nor the charm of her merry
talk, nor the wonderful attraction of her whole person.
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