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Douglas, Norman, 1868-1952

"South Wind"

That is what makes so
many of our women as flat as boards, in front and behind--especially in
the Eastern States. It's apple-eating. Apples ought to be taxed. They
ruin the female figure. I'm not sure that they don't sour the character
as well."
"Don't you care about our English vegetables?"
"Can't say I'm much in love with them, Mr. Heard. Brussels sprouts, for
instance--I'm very partial to Brussels sprouts. But the things they give
you over there are the size of a bath sponge, and much the same taste,
I reckon. And the carrots! A carrot ought to be small and round and
yellow, it ought to melt in the mouth like a plum. Those carrots aren't
carrots at all. They're walking sticks. And the peas! No, I don't care
about English peas. Too large and too lively for me."
"Lively?"
"That's it. Lively. I shall never forget my first experience of them,"
he went on, laughing. "There were two or three in the dish; just two or
three; filled it up nicely. Looked like cannon-balls. What do they
expect me to do with these things? I wondered.


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