Ah, the
blessing of rest!"
Not long after this a cruel rumour reached us, on good authority, that
Lorrimer was engaged to be married. I confess that my feeling about it
was one of unmitigated contempt for the man, and I trembled for the
effect of the news upon Ideala. She made no sign, however, when first
she heard it. I was surprised, and fear I showed that I was, in spite
of myself, for she spoke about it.
"You do not understand," she said. "One event in his career is not of
more consequence to me than another, because all are of the greatest
consequence. But I have none of the dog-in-the-manger spirit. I think
there must be something almost maternal in my feeling for him, which is
why it does not change. Were I less constant it would prove that my
affection is of a lower kind, less enduring because less pure. I do not
care to talk about him, but I think of him always. I think of him as I
saw him last with the sun on him. Do you know his hair is like light
gold with the sun on it. Sometimes the memory of him fades a little,
and I cannot recall his features, and then I am tormented; but of
course he comes back to me--so vividly that I have started often when I
looked up and found myself alone, The desire to be with him never
lessens; it burns in me always, and is both a pain and a pleasure.
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