The Japanese are very delicate in
some things; it was weeks before I knew that I had a guard of honour at
all. On that particular day I lost sight of them altogether, but I
could hear them calling to each other through the fog; and I sat down
feeling very wretched and lonely. I thought how all the beauty of life
had been spoiled for me; how, past, present, and to come, it was all a
blank; and I wished in my heart that I might die, and know no more.
And, do you know, just at that moment the fog beneath me parted, and I
saw the sea, sapphire blue and dotted with boats, and the sand a streak
of silver, and the green earth, and a low horizon of shining clouds,
and over all the sun! Dear Lord in heaven! how glad a sight it was!"
She pressed her handkerchief to her eyes. "And I was wandering," she
continued, "in some such mental mist, lost and despairing, when
Lorrimer came into my life, and changed everything for me in a moment,
like the sun. Would you have me believe that he was sent to me then
only for an evil purpose? That the good God, in whom I scarcely
believed until in His mercy He allowed me to feel love for one of His
creatures, and to realise through it the Divine love of which it is
surely the foreshadowing--would you have me believe myself degraded by
love so sent? Would you have me turn from it and call it sin, when I
feel that God Himself is the giver?"
I was silent, not knowing how to answer her.
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