"I
neither believe nor disbelieve," she told me; "I am in a state of don't
know; or perhaps it would be more exact to say that I both doubt and
believe at one and the same time. I go indifferently to either church,
Protestant or Catholic, and am thankful when any note of music, or
thrill of feeling in the voice, or noble sentiment, elevates me so that
I can pray. But I am told that both Catholics and Protestants consider
me a weak waverer, and call me incorrigible. Sometimes I cannot pray
for months together, and when I do it is generally to ask for something
I want, not to praise or give thanks. But what a blank it is when one
cannot pray; when one has lost the power to conceive that there is a
something greater than man, to whom man is nevertheless all in all, and
to whom we may look for comfort in all times of our tribulation, and
for sympathy in all times of our wealth! To be able to give thanks to
God when one is happy is the most rapturous, and to be able to call
upon Him in the day of trouble is the most blessed, state of mind I
know. Yet I believe we should only pray for the possible.
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