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Lardner, Ring, 1885-1933

"The Real Dope"

thinking the world serious must of
started but I bet I didn't knock over no chairs on this trip. Well Al it
took me long enough to get out there as you can bet I wasn't trying for no
record and every time they was a noise I had to lay flat and not buge. But
I got there Al to where I thought I had saw this bird moveing around but
they hadn't no rockets went up since I started and it was like a troop ship
and I couldn't make out no figure of a man or nothing else and I was just
going to whisper Simon's name when I reached out my hand and touched him.
Well Al it wasn't Simon.
Well old pal we had some battle this bird and me and the both of us forgot
bayonets and guns and everything else. I would of killed him sure only he
got a hold of my left hand between his teeth and I couldn't pry it loose.
But believe me Al he took a awful beating with my free hand and I will half
to hand it to him for a game bird only what chance did he have? None Al and
the battle couldn't only end the 1 way and I was just getting ready to grab
his wind pipe and shut off the meter when he left go of my other hand and
let out a yell that you could hear all over the great lakes and then all
of a sudden it seemed like everybody was takeing a flash light and then the
bullets come whizzing from all sides it seemed like and they got me 3 times
Al and never pinked this other bird once. Well Al it wasn't till 2 wks. ago
that I found out that my opponent was Johnny Alcock.


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