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Lardner, Ring, 1885-1933

"The Real Dope"

So they
told him if he wanted to go out in Nobody's Land and spear souvenirs it was
safe if you went just after Mike had made his rounds so as the snippers
wouldn't get you.
Well old pal I was standing there looking out over Nobody's Land that night
and I couldn't think of nothing only poor Simon and listening to hear if I
couldn't maybe hear him call from somewheres out there and I don't know how
long I had been standing there when I heard a kind of a noise like somebody
scrunching and at the same time they was a flare throwed up from our side
and I seen a figure out there cralling on the ground quite a ways beyond
our wire. Well Al I didn't wait to look twice but I called Corp. Evans and
told him. So he says who did I think it was and I said it must be Simon. So
he says "Well Keefe its up to 1 of us to go get him." So I said "Well Corp.
I guess its my job." So he says "All right Keefe if you feel that way about
it." So I says all right and I'll say Al that he give up his claims without
a struggle.
Well I started and I was going without my riffle but the Corp. stopped me
and says take it along and I says "What for, do you think I am going to
pick Simon up with a bayonet." So he says who told me it was Simon out
there. Well Al that's the 1st. time I stopped to think it might maybe be
somebody else.
Well Florrie use to say that I couldn't get up in the night for a drink of
water without everybody in the bldg.


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