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Lardner, Ring, 1885-1933

"The Real Dope"


So Alcock says of course they must be as some of the holes was made new
since we been here. But Alcock told him that if he was him he wouldn't
waist no time collecting the insides of German shells as the Germans was
so hard up for mettle and etc. now days that the shells they was sending
over was about 1/2 full of cheese and stuff that wouldn't keep. So Alcock
says to him "What you ought to go after is a Saxon because you can bet
that Souvenir Joe didn't get none and if you would get 1 all the boys would
begin calling you Souvenir Simon instead of Simple Simon and you would make
Souvenir Joe look like a dud."
Well Al Simon didn't know a Saxon from a hang nail so he asked Alcock what
they looked like and Alcock told him to never mind as he couldn't help from
knowing 1 if he ever seen it so then Simon asked him where they was libel
to be and Alcock told him probably over in some of the shell holes near the
German trench.
That's what come off yesterday wile I was busy telling everybody about the
little gal as you can bet I would of put Simon wise had I of been in on it
and now Al he's gone and they don't nobody know what's became of him but
they's a lot of us that's got a pretty good idear and as I say they's 2 or
3 feels pretty sick and one a specially. But I guess at that they don't no
one feel no worse then me though they can't nobody say I am to blame for
what's happened but still in all I might of interfered because I am the
only 1 of them that has got a heart Al and the only reason Alcock and Brady
is so sick now is that they are scared to death of what will happen to them
if they get found out.


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