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Lardner, Ring, 1885-1933

"The Real Dope"


Well pretty soon along come Corp. Evans and called me to 1 side and asked
me what I knew about Simon. So I says what about him. So Corp. Evans says
he is missing and they hasn't nobody saw him since last night. So I says I
didn't know nothing about him but if anything had happened to him they was
a lot of birds in this Co. that ought to pay for it. So Corp. Evans asked
me what was I driveing at and I started in to tell him about Alcock and
Brady and them kidding this poor bird to death and Corp. Evans says yes he
knew all about that and the best thing to do was to shut up about it as it
would get everybody in bad. He says "Wait a couple days any way and maybe
he will show up O. K. and then they won't be no sence in spilling all this
stuff." So I says all right I would wait a couple days but these birds
ought to get theirs if something serious has happened and if he don't show
up by that time I won't make no promise to spill all I know. So Corp. Evans
says I didn't half to make no promise as he would spill the beans himself
if Simon isn't O. K.
Well Al of course all the boys had heard the news by the time I got to talk
to them and they's 2 or 3 of them that feels pretty sick over it and no
wonder and the bird that feels the sickest is Alcock and here is why. Well
it seems like yesterday while I was telling all the boys about the news
from home Simon was giveing Alcock a ear full of that junk Brady had been
slipping him about Souvenir Joe and Simon asked Alcock if he thought they
was still any of them souvenirs worth going after out in them shell holes.


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