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Lardner, Ring, 1885-1933

"The Real Dope"


Well Al I had a notion to take Simon to 1 side and tell him to not pay no
tension to these smart alex because the poor crum might go snooping out
there some night after the insides of a shell and get the outsides and
all and if something like that happened to him I would feel like a murder
though I haven't never took no part in makeing a monkey out of him, but I
thought well if the poor cheese don't know no more then that he is better
off dead let him go.
Your pal, JACK.
* * * * *
_In the Trenchs, June 13._
FRIEND AL: Just a line Al as I am to excited to write much but I knew you
would want to know the big news. Well Al I have got a daughter born the
18 of May. How is that for a supprise Al but I guess you won't be no more
supprised than I was when the news come as Florrie hadn't gave me no hint
and a man can't guess a thing like that when you are in France and the lady
in question is back in old Chi. But it sure is wonderfull news Al and I
only wished I was somewheres where I could celebrate it right but you can't
even whistle here or somebody would crown you with a shovle.
Well Al the news come today in a letter from Florrie's sister Marie Allen
and she has been down in Texas but I suppose Florrie got her to come up
and stay with her though as far as I can sec its bad enough to have a baby
without haveing that bird in the house to, but they's I consolation we
haven't got rm.


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