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Lardner, Ring, 1885-1933

"The Real Dope"

First he asked
him if he had got a hold of any new ones lately and Simon says no he hadn't
seen nobody that had any for sale and besides his jack was low so Brady
asked him how much did he have and he says about 4 franks. So Brady says
"Well you can't expect anybody to come across with anything first class for
no such chicken's food as that." So Simon says well even if he had a pocket
full of jack he couldn't buy nothing with it when they wasn't nothing to
buy. Then Brady asked him if he had saw the German speegle Ted Phillips had
picked up and Simon says no so Brady went and got Phillips and after a wile
he come back with him and Phillips said he had the speegle in his pocket
and he would show it to us if we promised to be carefull and not jar it out
of his hands wile he was showing it as he wouldn't have it broke for the
world. So Simon stood there with his eyes popping out and Phillips pulled
the speegle out of his pocket and it wasn't nothing only a dirty little
looking glass that you could pretty near crall through the cracks in it
and all the boys remarked what a odd little speegle it was and they hadn't
never saw 1 like it before and etc. and finely Simon couldn't keep his clam
shut no longer so he asked Phillips how much he would take for it. Well
Phillips says it wasn't for sale as speegles was scarce in Germany on acct.
of the war and that was why the Dutchmens always looked like a bum when
you took them a prisoner.


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