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Lardner, Ring, 1885-1933

"The Real Dope"

So I'm in on it Al and they didn't go last night
but tonight's the big night. And some of the boys is calling me Sammy Boy
and trying to make a monkey out of me but the smart Alex that's doing it
isn't none of them going along on this raid and that's just what a man
would expect from them. Because they's a few of us Al that come across
the old puddle to fight and the rest of them thinks they are at the Young
Peoples picnic.
Your pal, JACK.


CHAPTER VI
SIMPLE SIMON

_In the Trenchs, May 29._
FRIEND AL: Well Al we have been haveing a lot of fun with a bird name Jack
Simon only the boys calls him Simple Simon and if you seen him you wouldn't
ask why because you would know why as soon as you seen him without asking
why as he keeps his mouth open all the wile so as he will be ready to
swallow whatever you tell him as you can tell him anything and he eats it
up. So the boys has been stuffing him full of storys of all kinds and he
eats them all up and you could tell him the reason they had the bob wire
out in front was to scratch yourself on it when the cuties was useing you
for a race track and he would eat it up.
Well when we come in here and took over this section this bird was sick and
I don't know what ailed him only it couldn't of been brain fever but any
way he didn't join us in here till the day before yesterday but ever since
he joined us the boys has been stuffing him full and enjoying themself at
his expenses.


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