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Lardner, Ring, 1885-1933

"The Real Dope"

"
Well Al I seen then that I was parked there with a crazy man and for a wile
I didn't say nothing because I was scared that I might say something that
would encourage him some way so I just shut up and finely he says what is
the matter ain't you going to join me? So I said I will join you in the jaw
in a minute if you don't shut your mouth and then he quited down a little,
but every few minutes he would have another swell idear and once he asked
me could I imitate animals and I said no so he says he could mew like a cow
and he had heard the boshs was so hard up for food and they would rush out
here thinking they was going to find a cow but it wouldn't be no cow but it
would be a horse on them.
Well you can imagine what I went through out there with a bird like that
and I thought more then once I would catch it from him and go nuts myself
but I managed to keep a hold of myself and the happiest minute of my life
was when it was time for us to crall back in our dug outs but at that I
can't remember how we got back here.
This A. M. Sargent Crane asked me what kind of a time did we have and I
told him and I told him this here Phillips was squirrel meat and he says
Phillips is just as sane as anybody usualy only everybody that went out on
the listening post was effected that way by the quite and its a wonder I
didn't go nuts to.
Well its a wonder I didn't Al and its a good thing I kept my head and kept
him from playing 1 of those tricks as god knows what would of happened and
the entire regt.


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