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Lardner, Ring, 1885-1933

"The Real Dope"

"
Well Al it finely come time for us to go and we went and if anybody asks
you how to spend a pleasant evening don't steer them up against a listening
post with a crazy man. Well I suppose you think its pretty quite there
at home nights and I use to think so to but believe me Al, Bedford at 2
o'clock in the A. M. is a bowling alley along the side of 1 of these here
listening posts. It may sound funny but I would of gave a month's pay if
somebody would of shot off a fire cracker or anything to make a noise.
There was the bosh trench about 20 yds. from us but not a sound out of
them and a man couldn't help from thinking what if they had of heard us
out there and they was getting ready to snoop up on us and that's why they
was keeping so still and it got so as I could feel 1 of their bayonets
burrowing into me and I am no quitter Al when it comes to fighting somebody
you can see but when you have got a idear that somebody is cralling up on
you and you haven't no chance to fight back I would like to see the bird
that could enjoy themself and besides suppose my ears had went back on me
worse then I thought and the Dutchmens was realy makeing a he--ll of a
racket but I couldn't hear them and maybe they was getting ready to come
over the top and I wouldn't know the differents and all of a sudden they
would lay a garage and dash out behind it and if they didn't kill us we
would be up in front of the court's marshal for not warning our pals.


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