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Lardner, Ring, 1885-1933

"The Real Dope"

D. Cologne. So I said I didn't care where
we was sent as they wouldn't be no gal waiting for me in none of them towns
so Jack says it was my own fault if they wasn't as all these places was
full of girlies that was there for us to dance with them and etc. and the
officers had all their names and addresses and the way to do was write to
1 of them and tell her when you was comeing and would she like to show you
around and he said he would see 1 of the lieuts. that he stands pretty good
with him and see what he could do for me. Well Al I told him to go ahead as
I thought it was just a joke but sure enough he showed up after a wile and
he said the lieut. didn't only have 1 name left but she was a queen and he
give me her name and address and its Miss Marie Antoinette 14 rue de Nez
Rouge, O. D. Cologne.
Well Al I didn't have nothing else to do so I set down and wrote her a note
and I will coppy down what I wrote:
"_Dear Miss Antoinette_: I suppose you will be supprised to hear from
me and I hope you won't think I am some fresh bird writeing you this letter
for a joke or something but I am just 1 of Uncle Sam's soldiers from the
U. S. A. and am now in the trenchs fighting for your country. Well Miss
Antoinette we expect to be here about 2 wks. more and then we will have a
leave off for a few days and some of the boys thinks we may spend it in
your city and I thought maybe you might be good enough to show me around
when we get there.


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