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Lardner, Ring, 1885-1933

"The Real Dope"

(Very)
And then they's another peace that reads like this:
DECORATED
"The Company has won its first war honors and Private Jack Keefe is the
lucky dog. Private Keefe has been decorated by Gen. George Shaffer of
the 4th. Dachshunds for extreme courage and cleverness in showing up a
dangerous nest of spies. Keefe was hit four times by large caliber shells
before he could say surrender. He was decorated with the Order of the
Schwarz Auge, the Order of the Rot Nase and the Order of the Blumenkohl
Ohren, besides which a Right Cross was hung on his jaw. Private Keefe takes
his honors very modestly, no one having even heard him mention them except
in stifled tones during the night."
Well Al all right if they can find something to amuse themself and they
need it I guess. But they better remember that they's plenty of time for
the laugh to be on the other foot before this war is over.
Your pal, JACK.


CHAPTER V
SAMMY BOY

_In the Trenchs, May 6._
FRIEND AL: Well Al I haven't wrote you no letter for a long wile and I
suppose maybe you think something might of happened to me or something.
Well old pal they hasn't nothing happened and I only wished they would
because anything would be better than laying around here and I would rather
stop a shell and get spread all over Europe then lay around here and die a
day at a time you might say.
Well I would of wrote you before only we was on the march and by the time
night come around my dogs fret me so bad I couldn't think of nothing else
and when they told us we was comeing up here I thought of course they would
send us up in motor Lauras or something and not wear us all out before we
got here but no it was drill every ft.


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