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Lardner, Ring, 1885-1933

"The Real Dope"


Well Al I am tickled to death I won't half to give up my uniform and snoop
around Paris like a white wings double crossing women and spying and etc.
and even if the whole thing hadn't of been just a joke I was going to ask
Capt. Seeley to not reccomend me to no int. dept. but jest leave me be
where I am at so as when the time comes I can fight fair like man to man
and not behind no woman's skirts like a cur.
So you see Al everything is O. K. after all and the laugh is on Alcock and
his friends because they was the ones that expected to do all the laughing
but instead of that I made a monkey out of them.
Your pal, JACK.
* * * * *
_Somewheres in France, April 23._
FRIEND AL: Well Al if you would see my face you would think I had been
attending a barrage or something or else I had been in a bar room fight
only of course if it was a fair fight I wouldn't be so kind of marred up
like I am. But I had a accident Al and fell over a bunk and lit on the old
bean and the result is Al that I have got a black eye and a bad nose and my
jaw is swole a little and my ears feels kind of dull like so I guess the
ladys wouldn't call me Handsome Jack if they seen me but it will be all O.
K. in a few days and I will be the same old Jack.
But I will tell you how it come off. I was setting reading a letter from
Florrie that all as she said in it was that she had boughten herself a
new suit that everybody says was the cutest she ever had on her back just
like I give a dam because by the time I see her in it she will of gave
it to little Al's Swede.


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