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Lardner, Ring, 1885-1933

"The Real Dope"

" So he says "I
would think you were crazy." So I said "I am afraid you will half to think
so then but maybe you won't think I am so crazy when I show you the goods."
So then Al I pulled that 1st. peace of a letter on him and showed it to him
and he read it and when he got through he says "Well it looks suspicious
all right. It looks like the man that wrote it was hacking up a big plot
to spring a few dependents on his local board the next time they draft
him." So I said "The bird that wrote that letter is a Dutchman name Geo.
Shaffer." So Capt. Seeley says "Well I wish him all the luck in the world
and a lot of little Shaffers." So I said "Yes but what about them x marks
and all them letters without no words to them?" So he said "Didn't you
never correspond with a girl and put some of them xs down to the bottom of
your letter?" So I says "I have wrote letters to a whole lot of girls but
I never had to write nothing in ciphers because I wasn't never ashamed of
anything I wrote." So he said "Well your lady friends was all cheated then
because this is ciphers all right but its the kind of messages they love to
read because it means kisses."
Well Al of course I knew it meant something like that but I didn't think a
big truck horse like Shaffer would make such a mushmellow out of himself.
But anyway I said to Capt. Seeley I says "All right but what about them
other initials without no words to go with them?" And he says "Well that's
some more ciphers but they's probably a little gal out in Chi that don't
half to look at no key to figure it out.


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