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Lardner, Ring, 1885-1933

"The Real Dope"

But it will be to late for them to show
their appreciations because I won't be here no more and the boys probably
won't see me again till its all over and we are back in the old U. S.
because Alcock was talking to a bird that's in the int. dept. and he says 1
of their dutys was to keep away from everybody and not leave them know who
you are. Because of course if word got out that you was a spy chaser the
spys wouldn't hardly run up and kiss you on the st. but they would duck
when they seen you and you would have as much chance to catch them as
though you was trolling for wales with a grass hopper.
And from this bird's dope that Alcock was talking to I will half to leave
off my uniform and wear plain close and maybe wear false whiskers and etc.
so as people who see me the 1st. time I will look different to them the
next time they see me and maybe I will half to let my mustache grow and
grease it so as they will think maybe I am a Dutchman and if they are
working for the Kaiser I could maybe pump them.
But they's 1 thing I don't like about it Al because Alcock says Paris is
full of women that isn't exactly spys but they have been made a fool out of
and they are some German's duke but the Dutchmens tells them a whole lot
of things that Uncle Sam would like to know and I would half to find them
things out and the only way to do that would be to get them stuck on me and
I guess that wouldn't be no chore but when a gal gets stuck on you they
will tell you everything they know and wile with most gals I ever seen they
could do that without dropping another nickle still and all it would be
different with these gals in Paris that's been the tools of some Dutchmens
because you take a German and he don't never stop braging till he inhales a
bayonet.


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