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Lardner, Ring, 1885-1933

"The Real Dope"

old before I ever
seen him and if his head was blowed off tomorrow A. M. I would try and show
up for my 3 meals a day if you could call them that.
But speaking about April Fool Al I just stopped writeing to try and light
a cigarette with 1 of these here French matchs and every one of them is a
April Fool and I guess the parents of the kids over here don't never half
to worry about them smokeing to young because even if they had a box of
cigarettes hid in their cradle they would be of age before they would run
across a match that lit and I wouldn't be scared to give little Al a bunch
and turn him loose in a bbl. of gasoline.
Well Al I suppose you been reading in the papers about the Dutchmens
starting a drive vs. the English up in the northren part of the section and
at first it looked like the English was going to leave them walk into the
Gulf Stream and scald themself to death, but now it seems like we have got
them slowed up at lease that's the dope we get here but for all the news
we get a hold of we might as well of jumped to the codfish league on the
way over and once in a wile some of the boys gets a U. S. paper a mo. old
but they hog onto it and don't leave nobody else see it but as far as I am
conserned they can keep it because I haven't no time to waist reading about
the Frisco fair or the Federal League has blowed up and etc. And of course
they's plenty of newspapers from Paris but all printed in la la la so as
every time you come to a word you half to rumage through a dictionary and
even when you run it down its libel to mean 20 different articles and by
the time you figured out whether they are talking about a st.


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