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Lardner, Ring, 1885-1933

"The Real Dope"


Well the day before yesterday he was reading 1 of the letters he got from
this baby 5 or 6 wks. ago on acct. of not haveing nothing better to read
and he left the envelope lay on the floor and I was going to hand it back
to him but I happened to think that yesterday would be April Fool so I kept
a hold of the envelope and I got a piece of paper and wrote April Fool on
it and stuck it in the envelope and fixed it up so as it would look like a
new letter and I handed it to him yesterday like it was mail that had only
just came for him and you ought to see him when he tore it open and didn't
find nothing only April Fool in it. At first he couldn't say nothing but
finely he says "That's some comedy Keefe. You ought to be a end man in the
stretcher bearers minstrels" and he didn't crack a smile so I said "What's
the matter with you can't you take a joke?" So he said "What I would like
to take is a crack at your jaw." So I said "Well it's to bad your arms is
both paralyzed." Well Al they's nothing the matter with his arms and I was
just kidding him because as far as him hitting anybody is conserned I was
just as safe as the gen. staff because he ain't much bigger than a cutie
and for him to reach my jaw he would half to join the aviation.
Well of course he didn't start nothing but just said he would get back
at me if it took him till the duration of the war and I told some of the
other boys about putting it over on him and they couldn't hardly help from
smileing but he acts like a baby and don't speak to me and I suppose maybe
he thinks that makes me feel bad but I got to be 25 yrs.


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