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Lardner, Ring, 1885-1933

"The Real Dope"

And he said it was a cinch that Pershing realy wrote it
on acct. of him signing it Black Jack Pershing and they wouldn't nobody
else sign it that way because it was a private nickname between he and some
of his friends and they wouldn't nobody else know about it.
So then he asked was I going to answer the letter and I said of course I
was and he says well I better take a whole lot of pains with my answer and
study up the situation before I wrote it and put some good idears in it
and if my letters made a hit with Gen. Pershing the next thing you know he
would probably summons me to Paris and maybe stick me on the war board so
as all I would half to do would be figure up plans of attacks and etc. and
not half to go up in the trenchs and wrist my life and probably get
splattered all over France.
So I said "Well I am not looking for no excuse to get out of the trenchs
but its just the other way and I am nuts to get in them." So he says "You
must be." But he showed me where it would be a great experience to set in
at them meetings even if I didn't have much to say and just set there and
listen and hear their plans and what's comeing off and besides I would get
a chance to see something of Paris and it don't look like none of us only
the officers would be give leave to go there but of course I would go if
Black Jack wanted me and after all Al I am here to give Uncle Sam the best
I have got and if I can serve the stars and strips better by sticking pins
in a map then getting in the trenchs why all right and it takes more than
common soldiers to win a war and if I am more use to them as a kind of
adviser instead of carrying a bayonet why I will sacrifice my own feelings
for the good of the cause like I often done in baseball.


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