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Lardner, Ring, 1885-1933

"The Real Dope"

K. Clarence why do you
ask? And he said well we have loose 2 games here and we have got to grab
this one this P. M. and if you feel O. K. I will work you because I know
you have got them licked as soon as you walk out there. So I said all right
Clarence you can rely on me. And that P. M. I give them 3 hits and shut
them out and Cobb come up in the ninth innings with two men on bases and
two men out and Ray Schalk our catcher signed me for a curve ball but I
shook my head and give him my floater and the mighty Cobb hit that ball on
a line to our right fielder Eddie Murphy and the game was over.
"This war is a good deal like baseball gentlemen because it is stratejy
that wins and no matter how many soldiers a gen. has got he won't get
nowheres without he uses his brains and its the same in baseball and the
boys that stays in the big league is the boys that can think and when this
war is over I hope to go back and begin where I left off and win a pennant
for Charley Comiskey the old Roman in the American League."
Well Al they was a regular storm when I got through and I bowed and give
them a smile and started off of the platform but a sargent named Avery
from our Co. stopped me and set me down in a chair and says I was to
wait a minute and I thought of course they was going to give me a cup or
something though I didn't expect nothing of the kind but I hadn't no sooner
set down when Sargent Avery stepped up to the front of the platform and
says "Gentlemen I want to say to you that Private Jack Keefe the great
stratejest is not only a great pitcher and a great speech maker but he
is also a great poet and if you don't believe me I will read you this
beautiful valentine that he wrote to a certain lady that we all admire and
who was in the Red X canteen up till today when she went back to Paris to
resume other dutys.


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