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Lardner, Ring, 1885-1933

"The Real Dope"


Your pal, JACK.
* * * * *
_Somewheres in France, Feb. 16._
FRIEND AL: Well Al they's a certain bird in this camp that if I ever find
out who he is they won't need no tonnages to carry him back when the war's
over. Let me tell you what come off tonight and what was pulled off on the
little lady and I and if you read about me getting in front of the court
marshall for murder you will know how it come off.
I guess I all ready told you about the show that was comeing off tonight
and they asked me to make a little talk on baseball. Well they was as many
there as could crowd in and the band played and they was singing and gags
and storys and etc. and they didn't call on me till pretty near the last.
Well Al you ought to of heard the crowd when I got up there and it sounded
like old times to have them all cheering and clapping and I stepped to the
front of the platform and give them a bow and it was the first time I was
ever on the stage but I wasn't scared only at first.
Well I had wrote out what I was going to say and learnt the most of it by
heart and here is what I give them only I won't give you only part of it
because it run pretty long.
"Gentlemen and friends. I am no speech maker and I guess if I had to make
speeches for a liveing I am afraid I couldn't do it but the boys is anxious
I should say a few words about baseball and I didn't want to disappoint
them. They may be some of you boys that has not followed the great American
game very close and maybe don't know who Jack Keefe is.


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