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Lardner, Ring, 1885-1933

"The Real Dope"


Well we passed some German prisoners today and believe me we give them a
ride. Everybody called them Heinie and Fritz and I seen one of them giveing
me a look like he was wondring if all the U. S. soldiers was big stroppers
like I but I stuck out my tongue at him and said "What do you think you are
looking at you big pretzel" and he didn't dast say nothing back. Well they
was a fine looking gang and they's been a lot of storys going the rounds
about no soap in Germany. Well Al its all true.
Well I finely got a letter from Florrie that is if you could call it a
letter and to read it you wouldn't never guess that she had a husband over
here in France and maybe never see him again but you would think I had went
across the st. to get a bottle of ketchup and all as she said about little
Al was that he needed a new pair of shoes and they's about as much news in
that as if she said he woke up in the night. And the rest of the letter
was about how good she was doing in the beauty parlor and for me not to
worry about her because she was O. K. only for a callous on her heel and I
suppose she will go to the hospital with it and here I am with so many of
them that if they was worth a frank a peace I could pay the Kaiser's gas
bill. And she never asked me did I need anything or how was I getting
along. And she enclosed a snapshot of herself in one of these here war
bride outfits and she looks so good in it that I bet she goes to church
every Sunday and asks god to prolongate the war.


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