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Lardner, Ring, 1885-1933

"The Real Dope"


Your pal, JACK.
* * * * *
_Somewheres in France, Feb. 13._
FRIEND AL: Well Al wait till you hear this and I bet you will pop your eyes
out. I guess I all ready told you about Miss Moselle the little lady over
to the Red X canteen. Well I was over there the day before yesterday and
she wasn't around nowheres and I was glad of it because I didn't want to
see her and just dropped in there to get something to eat and today I was
in there again and this time she was there and she smiled when she seen me
and come up and begin talking and she asked me how I liked it and I said I
would like it a whole lot better if we was in the fighting and she asked me
if I didn't like this town and I said well no I wasn't nuts about it and
she said she didn't think I was very complementary so then I seen she
wanted to get personal.
Well Al she knows I am a married man because Carson just as good as told
her so I didn't see no harm in kidding her along a wile so I give her a
smile and said well you know the whole town ain't like you and she blushed
up and says "Well I didn't expect nothing like that from a great baseball
pitcher" so you see Al she had been makeing inquirys about me. So I said
"Well they was only one pitcher I ever heard of that couldn't talk and
that was Dummy Taylor but at that they's a whole lot of them that if they
couldn't say my arm's sore they might as well be tongue tied.


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