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Lardner, Ring, 1885-1933

"The Real Dope"

Well the Frenchman was pretty sore and I
don't know what would of came off only for Capt. Seeley and he spoke up and
said to the Colonel that if he could have a few minutes to investigate he
thought he could clear things up because he figured I hadn't intended to do
nothing wrong and somebody had probably been playing jokes.
So Capt. Seeley went out and it seemed like a couple of yrs. till he came
back and he had Smith and Lee and Doran with him. So then them 3 birds was
up on the carpet and I'll say they got some panning and when it was all
over the Colonel said something about they being a dam site to much kidding
back and fourth going on and he hoped that before long we would find out
that this war wasn't no practicle joke and he give Lee and Smith a fierce
balling out and he said he would leave Capt. Seeley to deal with them
and he would report Doran to the proper quarters and then he was back on
me again and he said it looked like I had been the innocent victim of a
practicle joke but he says "You are so dam innocent that I figure you are
temperately unfit to hold on to a corporal's warrant so you can consider
yourself reduced to the ranks. We can't have no corporals that if some
comedian told them the Germans was now one of our allies they would try
and get in the German trenches and shake hands with them."
Well Al when it was all over I couldn't hardly keep from laughing because
you see I come out of it O.


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