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MacGrath, Harold, 1871-1932

"Arms and the Woman"

I called for another brandy and shot the soda into it myself.
I watched the foam evaporate, "Ha, ha, ha!"
"Hard luck?" the bartender asked sympathetically.
"Yes," said I. I seemed to be speaking to several bartenders who
looked at me with several varieties of compassion.
"Have another on me," said the bartender.
I had another, and went out into the street. I walked down Broadway,
chuckling to myself. What a glorious farce it all was! My fortune!
Phyllis my wife! What if she had accepted me? I laughed aloud, and
people turned and stared at me. Oh, yes! I was to travel and write
novels and have my pictures in book reviews, and all that! When I
arrived at the office I was on the verge of total insanity. I was
obliged to ask the paragrapher to write my next day's leader. It was
night before I became rational, and once that, the whole world donned
cap and bells and began capering for my express benefit. The more I
thought of it, the more I laughed. What a whimsical world it was! And
was there anything in it so grotesque as my part? I took the check
from my pocket and cracked it between my fingers.


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